I have always been one to put on a brave face. To never really share or show my real feelings. Today, I am making a change.
I hurt. My feelings are hurt. I miss my friends. I don’t know where they have all gone. I don’t know exactly what it is I said or did to make them turn away. I say ‘all’ of my friends, but in all honesty, it is just 2 of my friends. They were the 2 closest ones though.
It started about a year ago. K just stoped coming around. We used to do so much together. I think it was because we bought a house and were making a move. K was still renting at the time and I know that really bothered her. Now, L has hardly been around for months. Pretty much since she found out she was pregnant. Maybe I didn’t act happy enough for her. Maybe she feels I judge her (which I admit, I kind of do…bad me). It just sucks to feel that the 2 closest people in your life don’t really want to be around any more. I feel like I am in grade five again. It hurts like a heartache or a breakup. Hmmm.
I am blessed though to have great friends still. It is just that K and L don’t have children (L almost does). They were friends of mine when I was me…before E and H. I was a different person then. We were friends because we liked each other, not because we have children in common. I think I am sad to see that part of my life move into the past, to what once was.
I will get over it. I always do. This time though, I am sharing with you how sad I am by this loss. I miss my friends. I wish I had of been a better friend to them both. I wish we could go back and be like old times. Alas, all things change and move, so must I.
