Look A Little Harder Next Time December 14, 2008

I know I take things too personally.  I could guess a thousand reasons why this is so, but that is another therapy session all on it’s own.  So, yesterday S couldn’t find the remote control.  H had passed him the back off it as he was going out to start the car, but he didn’t think to ask her where the rest of it was.  He forgot.  It wasn’t that important at the time – there was no hockey game starting that needed to be recorded!!!! 

So there he was 10 hours later…sternly talking to H (she’s 2) and with holding her milk until she tells him where the rest of the remote is!!!  WTF!!!  You can’t do that to a baby.  I was so mad.  He stormed around the house.  He was sharp with me and the girls.  It was not fun at all.  He made wide sweeping comments about how he ‘hates this’.  Again, this is where I take things too personally…hates what….me, the house, our life, our children…..and yes, I am hormonal so please be patient with me.  I should also mention, S survived a day at the water park with H and E by himself on 3 hours sleep…so he had reached him limit too. 

The whole converstaion was horrible.  It wasn’t loud or anything.  I just felt really bad that he ‘hated this’ and I don’t really know what ‘this’ is.  I have a wild, vivid imagination, and I can make horrible assumptions and this is what I do most of the time.  He apologised to me and to the girls, especially H.  He never did find the remote control.  His hockey game taped downstairs, so nothing was really lost.  I found the remote under one of the chairs in the living room this morning.  If had of looked a little harder he would have found it himself last night, and the whole ugly mess that was, wouldn’t have happened at all….and I wouldn’t have had to take things so personally.

Tub Troubles November 12, 2008

Warning – if getting romantic in the shower with your loved one – MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GOOD FOOTING…. or you may end up with a sore ass…….trust me.

I took a fall in the shower the other day and spent the better part of yesterday laying on my back, having x-rays taken to make sure my tail bone wasn`t broke….lets just say, my tail didn`t get boned, and isn`t broke.  Thankfully!

You should also be warry of children playing with bath bubbles.  Bubbles can make a slick surface of your tub.  Lets say your child is just playing in the bathroom and decides it would be fun to dump an entire bottle of Disney princess bath bubbles into the tub, even though there is no water.  Then lets say, you hop into the shower and really, aren`t paying that much attention to your surroundings….you happily notice that there are no small toys in the tub – you believe you are being observant enough – you are so wrong.  When you `hop` in, you really are shooting your self around the tub like a silver ball rocketed into a pinball machine.  It isn`t a pretty site – trust me, I know.

There are many dangers lurking in your bathroom.  Your children and your spouse are just 2 potential hazards you should be aware of – don`t let your guard down.

Too HOT To Handle November 3, 2008

My husband is ‘hot’ or so that is what he keeps getting told at work.  Of course, I have always thought this – was the first thing that drew me to him when I was 13!  He hasn’t always known this about himself though and it is cute, funny and a little scarey to see his ego inflate.

S started working part time at a lounge bouncing.  He works 3 nights a week and he loves.  He loves that his really good friend works there too.  He loves the extra cash it brings in to help pay off our debts.  Of course, I had some huge reservations about him working in a lounge.  Come on – people do that when they are 20, not married men with children right?  So pretty much, I have an insane amount of insecurities…which aren’t helped by the fact, that I am a SAHM who’s best friend is a 3 year old (the 2 year old doesn’t have full conversations yet)!  How interesting am I any more, especially compared to that all the women he is meeting now, and who think he is hot!

I hate this.  I did’t sign up for a marriage like this.  I want to go back to having my husband home, and hot only in my eyes.

Getting Up To Get Some October 24, 2008

Do you remember those nights where you would wake up at 3 am from a sexy dream, roll over and jump on your mate….and they didn’t shove you off, grab the blankets, mumble something about needing to get up in 45 minutes and get right back to sleeping?  Okay – so maybe this only happens to my husband…..I used to be much more welcoming towards middle of night advances, but last night I was the instigator and it worked!!!  I woke up from a dream of when S and I first got together….and so a full hour before his alarm went off I got what I wanted!  I think he got what he wanted too…..it was a mutual get, and the gettin’ was good!  The next time you think you might be too tired, or you can feel the hair on your tounge, or you just aren’t into it – don’t – give in and just do it.  It is a great way to end your sleep and start your day.  Plus, it is a nice surprise to your mate…..and stirs memories of a life before children and 6 am alarm clocks.

Do They Know? September 30, 2008

I don’t think I apprecate my family enough – to THEM, that is.  In my head, I know just how endless my love for them is.  I think of them often in my own head, but I don’t always tell them just how often I think of them.  I don’t worry that marriage isn’t strong.  I know my husband loves me.  He shows me all the time with little things like tickling my back and kissing my sweet spot (get your minds out of the gutters – my sweet spot is the back of my neck).    I know my children love me….when I come home they are bouncing in the window and I can hear them screaming MOMMMMMY!  I know M loves me….although she is 13 she still chooses to spend time with me.  Have I told them all I love them so much – is what I have done for them enough.  Do they know that all the meals I make for them with love and care is how I show my love.  All the laundry done and folded and on their beds or put away is how I show my love.  All the little things I buy for them because I know just how much they would love it – is how I show my love.  But, do they actually know that?  I think I need to say it more often.  I worry that they won’t know just how deeply I love them and care for them.  How, my world would be off kilter if something happened to any one of them.  How, they make me so happy just by smiling at me.  I love every little part of everyone of them.  I just hope they really know that.

365 days a bust August 27, 2008

Yesterday was my birthday and was supposed to be the start of 365 days of sex……but S can’t perform when I have my period….he is one of ‘those’ guys.  I get where he is coming from, really, I don’t like it too much either.  So, one day down and I am not getting down.  By the start of September though things should be in full swing…and we should both be in better head spaces…no play on words there!

Pit-I-Full August 20, 2008

Did  you know that this month there is a special going on with StarChoice….you can get the Playboy channel for  days for only 25 cents…that’s right, 25 cents…..1/4 of a dollar!  Who was I to say no to a deal like that…besides, I love the Girls Next Door….ha ha ha…..that is so NOT what the Playboy channel is like…..silly me.  So, S is pretty happy now…for the next 25 days or so at least.

My birthday is coming up next week.  We are having a backyard bbq party and I just don’t feel into it.  I don’t know what is wrong with me….I have no problems with agine.  I have never worried about getting another year older.  I have a little extra weight on my bones so I think I am aging pretty well.  I am unsettled about the 365 days of sex thing…but now that we have the Playboy channel, I think S is looking forward to it. 

Lucky me…I have my annual physical on my birthday…this is not something I had intended, but I have a new family dr. and this is the opening she had for me.  Happy birthday to me!  What better gift to myself than a speculum and stirrups!  I mean, can it really get any better than that….who knows, maybe I will have a tooth ache that day too!

Sorry if I sound a bit sarcastic…I think the heat has slightly fried some of my wires.  Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be nicer, hopefully so will I be.

Hot Momma August 15, 2008

I was hit on yesterday and it felt good.  Of course, the man wasn’t my type at all which made it a little disapointing, but all in all, it felt great to know that someone out there, other than S thinks I am worth it in the looks department…..we had just met really, so it wasn’t my personality that won him over.

Of course, I had to phone S as soon as it happened.  I was too giddy to not share it….and I felt proud too…maybe that was wrong.  Luckily, I have a great husband who is not the jelous type (I am) and he told me he always thought I was pretty and worth it in the looks department!  Ah, what a sweet heart.  It was a good day!

AGH….He is Driving Me Crazy July 5, 2008

I have been listening to my spouse take care of our children for the past couple of hours.  He is driving me crazy.  He over talks to them.  Not that he talks over their heads.  Really, he just says too many things to them.  It sounds like he says the same commands over and over again.  It is pissing me off…it must really drive them insane.  My spouse finds that he is ineffective when he asks our children to do things.  He knows they don’t listen to him all that well.  I do my best to back him up.  I have told him time and time again to be more assertive…to use a ‘daddy’ voice to get their attention….to give one command at a time and make sure it is acted upon.  He hears me all of the time.  Really, the problem isn’t our children, it is S.  I am so frustrated at hearing him parent I want to pull my hair out!  Aggg….how do I get my spouse to parent in an effective manner!

Where did ‘Me’ Go? July 2, 2008

I truly love my children.  But, they truly drive me mad.  There are days, like today, when I just can’t seem to yawn enough….I am exhausted.  They have no desire to chill out and just veg with me.  Instead, they want to play downstairs, outside, run around the house screaming (ooops, singing, sorry), throw playdough, through playdough toys, throw dolls, throw Hannah, throw tantrums….it is just all too much some days.  I have pulled out my secret weapon…..popcorn twists and juice and the tv on Treehouse.  Ah….all is quiet on the western front!  So, instead of using this peaceful rest to actually rest, I find myself here, pouring my heart out over the keys of the lap top.  I am listening, wating for the running and screaming to start all over again and pull me back from ‘me’ time. 

‘Me’ time…that is the biggest joke out there for SAHM’s.  The only ‘me’ time I have is if I manage to get the baby gate up infront of the bathroom before they invade while I am taking a moment to relieve myself.  They end up standing outside of the bathroom, swinging the door open to scream at me, say ‘mommy?’ a hundred times over or just stare at me while I go.  The only other ‘me’ time I get is when I am asleep, and this is usually when my husabd attempts to grope me in his sleep!  When we were first living together, I found this so adorable and sexy.  Now, I find it rude and offensive.  I am finally getting some time to myself, I am getting some sleep…what in the world would make you think I want to be pawed and groped….and I don’t care that he is asleep too!  Back in the day, this affectionate touching would wake us both us and get us going…now, more times than not, I end up kicking him in the shin with a rough foot that hasn’t seen a pedicure in lets’ see, 2.5 years because it is illegal to leave your kids at home or alone in a car while you have your feet worked on (this is one of those ‘me’ times I miss the most)! 

I miss my kids so much when I am not with them.  If they go to bed early and I am up late I often sit in their room just watching them sleep.  If I manage to make it out for a date with my husband and we see a mom with a daughter, I feel the pain in my chest of longing for my own babes.  I must be crazy.  I can’t live without them, and I can’t get away from their either.  This is a great dilema.  I don’t know how working mom’s deal with the missing their children part.  I don’t think I could do a decent job at anything out side of the house…not that I do a decent job of working from the house either…having 2 toddlers makes things very challenging. 

I don’t understand this rollercoaster ride of love and alone time, but it is a whirlwind for sure.  I look forward to seeing them each morning, but can’t wait for nap time too.  Hmmm….what will it all be like in a couple of months when E starts preschool?