Can Sloths Have 10 Toes? July 17, 2008

Don’t let you babies grow up to be cowboys!!!!  Really, it should be don’t let your babies grow up to be teenagers!!!!!  I say this in jest….sort of.  I think there is a sloth in my house…..this one has 10 toes, not just 3 though.  I bug her about this all the time, so having it writen here, won’t be any shock to her.

What is it with those who are over 13 years old….how can they possibly be tired when the don’t move off the couch all day….how can they possibly be hungry when all they do is eat…..how come they don’t make more money if they have all the answers?  It wasn’t that long ago that the teenager in my house was a toddler.  She was a great toddler.  Cute, sweet, all the things that little girls should be made of.  She wasn’t too unlike the toddlers we have now.  The teenagers memory is awfully short though, as has her temper been with the little ones.  E and H adore their older sister.  The want to be with her all that they can.  I see the way E looks to her sister with complete love.  It is amazing to witness.  I love that they love her so much…even if she is sometimes refered to as a friend and not a sister!

I hope that our house is good birthcontrol for our teenager.  I hope that living with 2 toddlers is scarey enough to make her either avoid sex for a while or make sure she is protected…..not that we want her rushing out or anything (far from it).  I hope that she is able to enjoy her sisters a little more….and realises that they don’t like hearing ‘watch me’ any more than she did with her older brother.  

All in all, it has been a good visit with the teenager.  She will head home tomorrow.  Back to her other life.  A life with no small children…but where she is the baby of the house.  Back to more time alone, where she isn’t so adored.  I know she misses the love and attention she gets while she is here…it is kind of like a drug…but I am sure she is thrilled to have her own space, her own life, her own room back to herself again and not have to share it with 2 little ones who don’t leave her alone.

Sniff, Sniff, Growing Up July 6, 2008

My babies are growing up.  I can’t believe the ‘baby’ phase of my life is almost coming to a close.  I can’t believe we all survived it in one piece!  I am shocked that I have lived this past few years and it soon it will all be just memories.

I say that my babies are growing up because H has reached a growing point in her little life.  This past week she started walking down and up the stairs like a real person.  No more sitting on her bum, turning over and crawling down the stairs backwards.  Now, she holds onto the wall and takes them a step at a time.  Other than being in a diaper and using a car seat, taking the stairs is the one of the last baby like things she will ever do…you know, other than throw tantrums, get kisses for booboos, wear Dora bandaids…you know, all the other baby things.

Everytime I look at her she has changed.  Her hair is getting longer, her face more toddler like.  Her words are coming every day and the other day as I was counting down the stairs she finished eight, nine, ten for me – I didn’t even know she could count!  Soon H will be like E.  Doing everything on her own.  Getting dressed, helping me pack a lunch, going to the bathroom on her own (but needing a wipe). 

I guess a part of me is just sad to see it all go.  Don’t get me wrong.  I would never want to have another baby – it messes me up too much, hormones and lack of sleep is a lethal combination for me.  S has been ‘fixed’ so there is no more babies for us…at least ones that we make.

Come the fall E will turn3 and H will be 2.  E will be heading to preschool and H will start swimming lessons.  I can’t wait and at the same time, I am so sad at the thought of them growing up and growing away from me (trust me, some days I want nothing more than my freedom).

Where did ‘Me’ Go? July 2, 2008

I truly love my children.  But, they truly drive me mad.  There are days, like today, when I just can’t seem to yawn enough….I am exhausted.  They have no desire to chill out and just veg with me.  Instead, they want to play downstairs, outside, run around the house screaming (ooops, singing, sorry), throw playdough, through playdough toys, throw dolls, throw Hannah, throw tantrums….it is just all too much some days.  I have pulled out my secret weapon…..popcorn twists and juice and the tv on Treehouse.  Ah….all is quiet on the western front!  So, instead of using this peaceful rest to actually rest, I find myself here, pouring my heart out over the keys of the lap top.  I am listening, wating for the running and screaming to start all over again and pull me back from ‘me’ time. 

‘Me’ time…that is the biggest joke out there for SAHM’s.  The only ‘me’ time I have is if I manage to get the baby gate up infront of the bathroom before they invade while I am taking a moment to relieve myself.  They end up standing outside of the bathroom, swinging the door open to scream at me, say ‘mommy?’ a hundred times over or just stare at me while I go.  The only other ‘me’ time I get is when I am asleep, and this is usually when my husabd attempts to grope me in his sleep!  When we were first living together, I found this so adorable and sexy.  Now, I find it rude and offensive.  I am finally getting some time to myself, I am getting some sleep…what in the world would make you think I want to be pawed and groped….and I don’t care that he is asleep too!  Back in the day, this affectionate touching would wake us both us and get us going…now, more times than not, I end up kicking him in the shin with a rough foot that hasn’t seen a pedicure in lets’ see, 2.5 years because it is illegal to leave your kids at home or alone in a car while you have your feet worked on (this is one of those ‘me’ times I miss the most)! 

I miss my kids so much when I am not with them.  If they go to bed early and I am up late I often sit in their room just watching them sleep.  If I manage to make it out for a date with my husband and we see a mom with a daughter, I feel the pain in my chest of longing for my own babes.  I must be crazy.  I can’t live without them, and I can’t get away from their either.  This is a great dilema.  I don’t know how working mom’s deal with the missing their children part.  I don’t think I could do a decent job at anything out side of the house…not that I do a decent job of working from the house either…having 2 toddlers makes things very challenging. 

I don’t understand this rollercoaster ride of love and alone time, but it is a whirlwind for sure.  I look forward to seeing them each morning, but can’t wait for nap time too.  Hmmm….what will it all be like in a couple of months when E starts preschool?

Grateful June 27, 2008

TGIF!

How bad is it that it is nine am and the girls have already had two Oreo cookies each?  Hmmm…..some mothers would be having a fit right now!  I like to think I am a moderate mom.  I sit in the middle of road, half on, half off the fence sort of thing.  Some days are healthy, some days are junky. 

Of all the things that are important in life, what we eat for breakfast isn’t what is ultimately important at the end of the day!  I am grateful for so many things, but here is just the tip of the iceberg…

1. S – he is my bestfriend in the whole world.  I share everything with him and he makes my life so much brighter.

2.  E – she came into this world and changed my life.  Through her, I learned the meaning of MY life.  I received the knowledge of how much my parents love me and how lucky in this world.

3. H – she shows me how to love unconditionally all day long.  She is the softer side of me and brings out the best I have inside.

4.  My mom…she passed away when I was a teenager, but for the years I had her she was amazing.  She is who I aspire to be.  I want to be that mother to my own children.  I want to make memories with them and impart myself and her in their souls.

5.  My dad…..is amazing.  He is a 2 for 1 package…he is mother and father and friend all in one.  He is still who I turn to for support and advice.  He is an amazing Papa and it brings me so much joy to watch him love my girls

There are many times in our life where we focus on the bad things.  It seems it is so much easier to go to the negative…the pull is much stronger than the positive.  I haven’t taken enough time to appreciate the good in my life and that is what today is about.  I encourage all of you reading to tell those you love that you appreciate them.  Show them you love them.  Days are short.  Time is fast.  Life happens in the bling of an eye!

Not A Circus June 26, 2008

If you have a child who is ‘monkey see monkey do’, do not encourage them to watch any Cirque Du Soile acts…especially contortionists!

E is this child.  Yesterday we watched four ladies move their bodies in ways unimaginable.  E has been trying to recreate this act using H as a platform.  Too funny to watch.  H hates every minute of it though. 

 

Feeling Like A Failure June 23, 2008

I feel compared.  I do it myself.  I admit it.  I am guilty.  I hate feeling compared to or comparing my children to others, especially ones I really like.  I wish it were simple to be a parent.  I wish that other parents didn’t sigh or roll their eyes in my direction when my child has done something theirs wouldn’t dream of doing.  I wish that parents (myself included) would just appreciate how hard it is to parent well, and understand that we are all just doing the best we can.

I don’t know if the parents I spent the day with today sat in judgement of me and my children.  I really hope not.  I am sorry that my daughter pulled hair and hit in anger.  I am sorry that she is only two and a half years old and is ‘rude’ according to their seven year old.  I am sorry that my house is boring and it rained all day forcing us all inside.  I am sorry that girls make too much noise.  I am sorry that we don’t pull out our video games and computer.  I am just sorry. 

The thing about parenting, or at least the way I am parenting, is, I am trying not to sweat the little things (which is much easier said than done, right?).  When hair is pulled, I try to let the girls work it out.  When someone hits, usually an apology is quick to follow…if not, I step in.  I honestly don’t think I could sit on top of my kids, watching life a ref, waiting to enforce a penalty for every little transgression.  They are kids.  They are both under three.  Chances are hitting is going to happen!  Crying will occur.  I get the big things.  I have time outs.  I work my best at encouraging sincere apologies (no one wants a false one).  But, all the little things that little kids do, that is okay with me.  I just don’t think it was okay for my company today.  I felt like I was constantly enforcing a penalty to E today.  It felt like every couple of minutes I was being told all the little things E was doing while out of my sight.  It was so tough on me…tougher on her.  It was a long day for both.  H doens’t come running when E pushes her out of the way to get a toy…she gets another toy or stands her ground.  H says NO when E pulls on her hair and usually gets an apology.  These are not things I normally have to parent.  It just wanted to scream…it’s okay!  E took a chip from a plate and was called a stealer.  E tried to share some pop and was screamed at.  I hope that as E and H grow up they know their bounds of what is and isn’t acceptable.  I hope I do a good enough job and making those lines clear.  I trust that as they grow up they will not be ‘rude’ or steal or pull hair or push or hit.  I understand that they are just little yet and don’t have the ability to rationalise their feelings in ways more accecptable.  I just wish that all my kids flaws weren’t repeatedly pointed out by a six year old and I wish that the seven year old didn’t think my kids were so rude! 

Clean Up On Isle 3 June 11, 2008

So, I am in Walmart yesterday.  H is sitting in the front of the kart, E has the basket part of the cart to herself…sort of.  I have tossed in bubble bath, maxi pads, sidewalk chalk.  You know, the regular stuff from Wally World!  E pipped up that she had to go to the bathroom.  Of course, this store is being renovated and the bathrooms have moved.  So, after walking one way across the store to no avail, I started to back track my way through sporting goods.  Just as we got to the yoga matts, E squats down and pees.  AGGHHH.  Okay, I am a horrible mom.  I just walked away.  Nothing in my cart had been hit.  E had on a dress so that was fine to.  I whipped off her patines and tossed them in a garbage bin.  I turned the cart around and headed for the gardening section.  I bought my plants.  I paid for everything.  E never mentioned the incident.  I played dumb.  We made it home in one piece. 

Today, I feel sort of bad.  This isn’t the first time I have just walked away from a mess in Walmart.  A bit ago E was walking beside me down the laundry detergent isle.  She thought she would help by lifting off a large bottle of Tide liquid soap.  She is strong, but not that strong.  The jug hit the floor and started to ooz blue liquid.  I snatched E into the cart and took off.  I found myself in electronics, hoping no one would have seen E’s blunder.  We paid.  We left.  I felt bad.  Hmmm.  I need to be a better mom…and maybe send a card and some flowers to the store.

Fat Lip June 11, 2008

This has been an interesting day for me.  This morning, I was sitting in my favorite chair, feeding the girls some breakfrast.  E was swinging with one hand on the couch and one on the my chair.  Of course, as she swung back too far, she lost her grip and she planted face first onto our hardwood floor.  I picked her up and to my horror, blood was pouring out of her mouth.  Being that we had just gone to the dentist last week, I was a little nervous to see the damage done.  Thankfully, there were no missing teeth.  But, a tooth did manage to make its way into her lip and do a fair amount of damage.  Her lip is all ripped up and the there is damage done to gum around the offending tooth. 

I have never had a problem seeing blood in the past.  I have helped in serious situations and have never felt faint or light headed.  As soon as I picked E up though, my stomahe lurched.  We made to the bathroom where I tried my best to clean it up and stop the flow.  It took some time as I was taking turns throwing up into the sink.  My hands were shaking, I thought I was going to faint.  I can’t believe how much of a pansy I was.  I am so much like my own mother!  I remember my mom practically passing out at the thought me getting my ears pierced.

It wasn’t too long before Emma had calmed down.  She stuck a suckie in her mouth…which was really difficult, let me tell you.  She sat on the coffee table and tuned into Dora.  It took me much longer to mellow out.  My hands shook for a long time.  My head replaying the accident, wondering if there was something I could have done to prevent the accident.

So, E has a big fat lip.  She is playing with it, licking it, picking at it.  It has bled off and on all day.  She is managing just fine though.  This is the first of many scars for me.  I will hold onto this one for the rest of my life I am sure.  I don’t really want to have to live through any more of them.  It would be perfect for me if the girls sailed through the rest of their lives without falling down, getting a bruise or hurting themselves in any way, shape or form.

New Day, New Week June 9, 2008

I admit, I am a complete chicken shit….I haven’t been able to screw up the courage to knock on any doors and say, “wanna be my friend”.  I did manage to make it to a play group in my own village though!  Of course, it is June, and next week is the last get together for the summer.  Lucky me.  I hope that by next week I have made a good enough impression on at least one of the moms to get a phone number and a hopefully a new friend or two!  I say this is for the girls, but really, it is for me!  I need a friend.  I need someone to chat with, who will pop over for a coffee and maybe ever go to a movie with me once in a while.  I am lonely.  I miss human companionship.  The girls having playmates is really just icing on the cake!

I am a bad mom some times.  This afternoon I put E down for a nap and I didn’t bother putting a panty diaper on her.  Of course, she piddled in the bed.  The bed which the sheets were just washed for yesterday….spilled milk.  Hmmm.  Now, she is laying down in my bed, with a bare bum.  Hmmm.  I have to be more vigilant and keep her bum covered and the sheets dry. 

I hope this week is a good one.  I hope I make a friend.  I hope I remember to put diapers on before naps and bed.  I hope we enjoy our backyard to it’s fullest.  I hope I get to eat outside one of these nights! 

 

Strees-Filled List June 6, 2008

Daily stress in my life:

1.  Money

2.  E, who believes that EVERYTHING warrants a tantrum

3.  H, who is constantly getting out her diaper and insists on marking her territory like a little puppy

4.  S, who is insanely addicted to poker on his phone, on FB, on tv…..

5.  My dad, who has a lump and is a tumor (in an A.Schwartanger voice)

6.  My SIL is coming next weekend and this is making me very nervous…such a long story, but lets just say it should be a very stressful time for me

7.  S, oldest daughter M, who we haven’t seen in a few months, will also make an appearance next weekend for father’s day…hmmm….too many things to think about on this subject, brain is shutting down from overload!

So much to stress about, so little time in my day.

This is when I wish I were a drinker.  I could pop one open and sit back and let it all slowly get fuzzy.  Alas, I don’t drink.  I guess I will have to live it out…and drink lots of pop to keep my energy up.