Too HOT To Handle November 3, 2008

My husband is ‘hot’ or so that is what he keeps getting told at work.  Of course, I have always thought this – was the first thing that drew me to him when I was 13!  He hasn’t always known this about himself though and it is cute, funny and a little scarey to see his ego inflate.

S started working part time at a lounge bouncing.  He works 3 nights a week and he loves.  He loves that his really good friend works there too.  He loves the extra cash it brings in to help pay off our debts.  Of course, I had some huge reservations about him working in a lounge.  Come on – people do that when they are 20, not married men with children right?  So pretty much, I have an insane amount of insecurities…which aren’t helped by the fact, that I am a SAHM who’s best friend is a 3 year old (the 2 year old doesn’t have full conversations yet)!  How interesting am I any more, especially compared to that all the women he is meeting now, and who think he is hot!

I hate this.  I did’t sign up for a marriage like this.  I want to go back to having my husband home, and hot only in my eyes.

Money Worries June 4, 2008

I can’t believe how broke we are.  It is a scarey time in our lives, but I do have faith that things will work out for us.  It would be very handy for me to be able to return to work and actually make some money in the process.  I am not too sure how I can do this.  I have looked into child care in our area and find it all very discouraging.  Having two little girls so close in age and one still in diapers, means they don’t just ‘fit’ into any facility.  Not only that, but we live in a very rural community and I will have to travel to locate care.  Recently I was offered a postition that I think I would have loved to take.  It was full time and forty minutes from my house.  I would need to start at eight in the morning and I would work until five in the evening.  This means I would have had to get the girls up and be out of the house before seven am and wouldn’t pick them back up and get home until after six at night.  This seemed so unblievably horrible, that I just couldn’t take the job.  The kicker in all this was, the care I was able to find them was going to cost me sixteen hundred dollars a month!  But, I would have to wait a few months on the list until there were two spots available.  Obvioulsy, I didn’t take the job.  I sheveld it with my old self.  The ‘me’ who would have jumped at such a great opportunity to work in a dynamic and stimulating atmosphere. 

My husband and I did choose for me to be a stay home mom for our daughters.  We both prefer that I be the one to teach them and be with them every day.  At my core, I truly believe that children need their parents and will be better people down the road because I stayed home with them.  No one loves them like I do, that’s for sure.  But, we didn’t see far enough down the road to where the money would be so tight that we would be panicking a bit.

I still think I am doing the right thing by staying home with the girls.  I enjoy my days with them…most of the time.  I love the little people they are.  And, I can’t really imagine that having a job and being away from them would make me happier than I am right now (and trust me, I am not always happy).  Why can’t a job that I can do from home, fall into my lap.  I wish I could do someone other than my dad’s books from home.  Maybe I should start advertising some of my services…hmmm.